Boys are like scrapes on your knees. After a while, the pain goes away, but the scar forever remains.*I like that..I just wrote it and I think its SO true.*

I am still in love after I broke up with this guy. It's been roughly 5 months and he is in love with another girl. Always seems to happen that way doesn't it? Oh well. I hate this, I can't fix it. I can't stop liking him. I tried. I almost HATE HIM because I like him. I broke up with him because my mom was getting a divorce and I couldn't handle a divorce and a boyfriend at the same time...silly me for not being able to deal with that. And he thought I just couldn't handle having a boyfriend because I have intense trust problems, and i suck at letting people esp boys in. and SO HERE I AM TENDER HEARTED...and the hits keep on coming. It doesnt even matter to him anymore... i feel so unimportant and unloved. it sucks.

I fucking hate my life and I hate today and I hate living in three houses and I hate how I get treated and I hate boys right now and I hate how I'm losing all my friends and I hate how I feel like slipping into bad things....I've always been good no drinking and druggin shit but i think i might start drinking it feels like the only way out, i'm slipping and i have no one and no grips.

man... ;( I cant even cry anymore

I don't understand how people can be so downright awful. It sucks. I'm feeling more alone then I ever have before...

Sigh. Things are not going well...they do sometimes but not lately. I hate school...it blows out the asshole (my new phrase).

No matter what was said, I will always love you**

Suprisingly enough, today was not bad.

Last night I got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep. I can't stop thinking about the pressures of life. My parents are divorced, my dad lives and hour away, and works all week in New Hampshire. He is the reason I'm alive. HE is the only one I really depend on, or open up to. I keep thinking what would happen if he died. Its horrible, I know. But I need him...more than he will ever know. No one has ever been there for me, except him. I remember when I was a little girl, it was him and me. No one was there with us, just me and my daddy.

My mom is going through her second divorce and this one is bad. My dad never hit her, but my stepdad did. He ruined me emotionally and mentally. It's one big fucking peachy way of life.

My mom depends on me, I feel like I'm HER fucking mother. I hate her for what she put me through, but all in all I love her. I don't respect what she has gone through because she brought it all on herself, she could have stopped all of this from happening. But she just wouldnt listen to us. She needs me, thats why I havent left. Who would clean for her? Who would do other shit for her? No one...It's ok.

No one wants to see the pain I go through. When I say nothing lasts forever, its because I have experienced it. I want someone to stick by my side, hold my head up and tell me it's going to be alright. I'm the kind of girl who still believes that someone is going to take my heart away. When I tell a guy I'm falling, I want him to whisper, its ok i have wings. I want someone to be there for me, I have been there for everyone all of my god for saken life and you know? is it too much to ask...

I guess I'm lookin for an exit. A way out. I was hoping my way out would be a boyfriend, you know. I had a guy and I loved him, I still do. But I tested him by saying goodbye and he let me go, thats how I knew it wasnt for real. I know that the guy for me is NOT goin to give up on me...Everyone has given up on me, I just want one person, a man, to not give up on me.

Wow, that was a load off. I guess I just need a friend, a reliable honest person who isnt going to give up on me...I'm not looking for pity or sympathy, I just need to vent.

-Rikki